Every piece of advice about being good with people arrives at the same instruction: take notes. Then it stops, which is unhelpful, because the difference between a note that is worth something a year later and a note that is landfill is entirely in what you chose to put in it.
Here is the version we would give a friend. Four things worth keeping, three worth leaving out, and one line not to cross.
The four things worth keeping
One. What is going on in their world right now. Not their job title, which you can look up, and not what the company does. The live thing: the restructure they are sitting inside, the product launching in November, the office move, the person they are trying to hire. This is what makes your next message land, because it is the thing they are actually thinking about.
Two. Anything you said you would do.The intro you offered. The article you promised. The name you said you would dig out. Write it in their words, not yours: "send the piece about pricing pages" will still make sense in March, and "follow up re: that thing" will not. If you only ever capture one item, capture this one. It is the only note that is also a debt.
Three. One human detail. Exactly one, and pick the one that made the conversation feel like a conversation. The daughter doing her final exams. The half marathon they are training for and slightly regret. The fact that they hate the phone and would rather have a voice note. This is what separates being remembered from being filed.
Four. How you came to be talking at all. Who introduced you, at what, and why. This is the detail that decays fastest and matters longest, because in two years it is the whole basis of the relationship and neither of you will remember it. It is also what makes a reintroduction possible without either party feeling like a stranger.
Three things to leave out
A transcript. The instinct to capture everything is the instinct that kills the habit, because writing it is slow and reading it is slower. A full record of a conversation is a thing you will never open. Three lines is a thing you will read in a lift.
Your assessment of them.Not because it is not useful, but because it ages badly and reads terribly. "Seemed a bit scattered" was true of one Tuesday and will colour every interaction you have for five years. Write what happened, not your verdict on who they are.
The details of anything sensitive. If someone tells you their marriage is in trouble, or that they are unwell, or that they are quietly job hunting, you need almost none of it written down. What you need is enough to be kind: that something hard is going on, and roughly when. The specifics are theirs and you are not the right custodian for them.
The line
Would this note embarrass you if they read it over your shoulder? If yes, it does not go in. There is no third answer and no clever exception.
That test is stricter than any policy and it survives contact with real life, which most policies do not. It also happens to produce better notes, because notes written as though the subject might see them are notes about the person rather than about your opinion of them.
Two practical corollaries. If someone prefaces something with "between us", that is a request and it should be honoured by not writing it down at all. And if a note would be awkward in a court, an audit or a subject access request, it is already the wrong note, whatever tool it lives in.
What it looks like written down
Here is the same coffee, captured two ways. The first is what most people write when they are trying to be thorough.
Thorough, and useless
Met for coffee 10am. Discussed the industry generally, their role, the market, some challenges around hiring at the moment. Good conversation, seemed positive about working together at some point. Will keep in touch. Nice person, bit scattered.
Three lines, and useful in March
Hiring two analysts by Christmas, says the market is brutal. I said I'd introduce her to Priya. Second kid started school this year and she is finding the drop-off juggle hard. Met through the Tuesday roundtable, Marcus introduced us.
The second one took about forty seconds to say out loud and it contains a reason to make contact, a promise you now owe, something human to open with, and the origin of the whole relationship. The first one contains a verdict and some weather.
Where it should live
Attached to the person, and retrievable in under ten seconds. That is the whole specification, and it rules out more tools than you would think. A notebook fails it. A notes app you have to search fails it in the moment that matters, which is standing outside a meeting room. So does a document called Contacts 2024.
With bondai the capture half is a voice note. You say the three lines walking back to the car and it writes them up, files them under the right person, and turns the promise into a reminder. The retrieval half is the point though, and it is worth doing with or without a tool: the note has to reach you before you see them, not when you go looking. There is a routine for that in how to prepare for a meeting in two minutes.
One thing we would push back on, gently, whatever you use: do not let a bot in the room do this for you. A summariser will give you everything, which is another way of saying it will give you nothing to act on, and it introduces a consent question you did not need to have. That argument is in AI notetakers are everywhere, what should still be yours.
Common questions
What should I write down after meeting someone new?
Four things: what is going on in their world right now, anything you said you would do, one human detail that made the conversation real, and how you came to be talking at all. Three or four lines. If it takes longer than a minute you are writing minutes, and nobody rereads minutes.
What should I not write in a note about someone?
A transcript, a judgement you would not repeat to their face, and anything sensitive they told you that you do not actually need in order to be kind to them. Keep the fact that a hard thing is happening. You rarely need the details of it.
Is it unprofessional to keep notes on people?
No, and most people who seem effortlessly thoughtful are doing it. The test that keeps it decent is simple: would this note embarrass you if the person read it over your shoulder? Written that way it is just paying attention on purpose.
How do I remember to do it every time?
Attach it to something that already happens. The walk back to the car, the wait for the lift, the two minutes before you start the car. A voice note in that window is easier than typing later and it is the only version of this habit that survives a busy week.
Should I write notes during the meeting or after?
After, almost always. Typing during a conversation costs you the thing you are trying to capture, which is attention. The exception is a number or a name you will genuinely lose, which is worth a five second interruption and is usually worth saying out loud as you write it.